


Warm Waters

by tunamayo



Category: Free!
Genre: Animal Death, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, mostly focuses on their friendship, not graphic, only briefly described
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8681341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunamayo/pseuds/tunamayo
Summary: Haru suffers the loss of his pet dog. He tells himself he wants to handle it in isolation, but he can't allow himself to push Makoto away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just for a little clarification, in the light novel High Speed! 2, a stray dog randomly shows up one day at the steps by Makoto’s and Haru’s houses. Haru eventually decides to care for him properly (with some indirect coercing from Makoto). He then teasingly tries to name it Makoto but settles on Makkou.

Makoto opened his eyes to total darkness, holding his breath as he listened closely for another indication that something was amiss. A slow rumble outside threatened an impending spring storm, but he was certain that wasn’t the cause of his sudden wakening. He could have sworn he heard the front door open and close.

He thought about going to his parents’ room, but at age fifteen, he decided he was definitely too old to run to them because of a noise he may or may not have heard. Instead, he got up and looked out the window. Seeing the stars would calm him. In theory, the night sky was terrifying—dark, unknown, endless. But the stars glittered reassuringly, shining through the night and giving light to an abyss.

Water soon sprinkled his window as the rain drizzled down, the storm that once loomed coming to fruition. Makoto slid open the glass to stick out his hand, cupping small droplets of the cold water until they overflowed in his palm. He shivered a little and withdrew his hand, wiping it dry on the front of his shirt.

Perhaps because of the storm, there were too many clouds blocking the stars to get a good view. Instead, his eyes settled on Haru’s house. He turned to check the time—a little after midnight. It wasn’t incredibly late, but he still found it odd that the light in Haru’s bedroom was on. He stared a little while longer before realizing he was too tired to conjecture any coherent reason why. He’d ask Haru about it later. He shut his window, muffling any sounds that might try to get inside, and lay down to sleep.

***

The next morning, Makoto awoke to his alarm with a stretch and a yawn. Usually he’d fall back asleep at least a couple of times, but today he got up quickly and walked over to glance up at Haru’s house. It looked like it usually did, but something felt wrong. His concentration was broken by a faint knock at his door. He jumped slightly, remembering last night’s fears of an intruder, but was comforted by the sight of his dad.

“Ah, good morning!” Makoto greeted him cheerily as the tension in his face immediately dropped.

“Good morning!” His dad’s smile slowly faded into an awkward silence. “Before you get ready for school, I need to talk to you about something.” He smiled again and sat down on the bed. Makoto knew that tone and that smile. Nothing good ever followed. His thoughts fluttered to Haru’s light. Something was definitely wrong. If something had happened to Haru…

“Last night… ” his dad began, searching for a way to say it, wishing he didn’t have to. “Last night, Haru’s dog passed away.”

Makoto felt an immediate sick sense of relief that Haru himself was all right. Then he just felt sick. He continued to stand at the window as his dad explained how Haru had called last night, how he was worried about Makkou’s sudden difficulty breathing. Makoto replayed it in his mind, trying to imagine himself as Haru in that moment, alone and scared and desperate enough to reach out for help. He subconsciously put his hand on the window, the glass cool to his touch.

Makoto’s dad explained that he had gone over to help, but there was nothing that could be done to save him. Makoto’s mind started to wander as his dad relayed the details. He nodded, not really listening, thinking only that he needed to see Haru as soon as possible.

***

Haru heard the unmistakable sound of Makoto opening his back door. Of course his dad had told him what had happened, and now he was here to make a big deal out of it. He didn’t need someone to pat his back and tell him everything was all right and force some fabricated idea of consolation on him. He just wanted to sleep. 

He heard Makoto’s footsteps incorrectly go toward the bathroom. He was probably expecting Haru to be soaking in the tub, but the tub was dry, unused since the day before. Makoto would search every room in the house before leaving, so rather than lie in wait for the inevitable meeting, Haru walked out of his dark bedroom and came down the stairs.

“Haru! I thought you’d be in the bath.” 

Haru could already see the worry in his eyes. Or was it pity? Probably both. Either way, he didn’t want it. He braced himself for what the question he knew would come next.

“My dad told me what happened. Are you OK?” he asked softly, giving him a proverbial pat on the back with just his voice.

“I’m fine,” Haru replied quickly, trying to stop Makoto from getting more sympathetic words in. “I was up late so I’m tired. That’s all.” He refused to make eye contact, staring down to the side as if his floor were the most interesting thing in the room. If Makoto could look into his eyes, he knew it would all be over. 

Haru absentmindedly crossed his arm over his chest, lightly rubbing his shoulder, trying to block even his heart from Makoto’s intense stare. “You should go. You’ll be late for school.”

“I’m not going. I asked my parents if I could stay with you for a bit.” 

Haru cringed. He didn’t need him to stay here. He didn’t need him to listen to his worries. Usually he would just succumb to Makoto’s desires and keep quiet, but he couldn’t this time, not today, not under these circumstances. “You don’t have to do that.”

“But Haru—”

“I want to be alone!” Haru answered back more loudly and sharply than he had intended, still looking at the ground. “I want to be alone,” he repeated, soft and stern, allowing his misplaced anger to return to the depths of his covered heart.

Makoto smiled, nodding his understanding. “I know, Haru.” He stared at his best friend for just a moment, hoping he would at least look him in the eyes. “I’ll bring you your assignments.”

Haru looked at Makoto as he turned to walk away. Of course he knew Haru wanted to be alone. As meddlesome as he could be, he always knew how to handle Haru and his feelings. He knew when to yield and when to push. But here he was, pushing Haru to his breaking point. He stared at the back of his head as he walked to the door. _I want to be alone._ That’s what Haru had said. _But you don’t, do you, Makoto?_

Haru thought of the day they had met Makkou. It was Makoto who bonded with him first and Makoto who had practically forced Haru to care for the dog. And like everyone else, Makkou seemed to enjoy being around Makoto. In a lot of ways, it had been his dog, too. And he was undoubtedly hurting at the loss. His insistence to be here wasn’t because he was pushing; he was pulling, gently tugging on Haru for his own help grieving.

Haru let his arm fall back to his side and watched Makoto leave, silently screaming at him to confess that he needed Haru. But he wouldn’t, because as usual, he was putting Haru’s feelings before his own. _For once, be selfish. Ask me to be there for you, no matter my own feelings. You know I can’t do it otherwise._

Makoto put his hand on the door but was stopped from opening it by a voice behind him.

“I’m… going to the beach,” Haru managed to say, hoping that Makoto would take the indirect invitation, not knowing what he would do if he slipped away.

Makoto turned to look Haru in the eyes and smiled warmly, his face softening immediately. “It’s a little chilly, but it’s a nice day for the beach.”

Haru breathed a sigh of relief as the two walked out the door.

***

The sky was mostly clear, save for a few fluffy clouds. Haru looked up, trying to discern simple shapes, but the sun was too bright for staring at the sky. It was hard to tell it had even stormed the night before. Haru and Makoto sat in the sand a couple meters from the water looking completely ordinary, letting the wind blow gently around them as a peaceful reminder of its existence. 

He thought about how he used to run with Makkou along the shore. They had just been here a few days ago. It was colder then; today would have been a better day to bring him. Haru concentrated his mind on Makkou, thinking that maybe he missed something, some sign or clue or indication that could have saved his life. He pictured it in his mind, trying to remember his behaviors exactly, getting frustrated when he couldn’t.

Makoto finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Haru. I lied to you.” He looked at him with big glimmering green eyes, not appearing to be particularly apologetic.

Haru had no idea what he could possibly be referring to, and his confused countenance was all the prompting Makoto needed to continue.

“I told you my mom was allergic to dogs, and that’s why I couldn’t keep Makkou. That’s not true.” Haru couldn’t help but think he looked strangely pleased with himself for getting away with it the past few years. “Do you remember when my fish died? Even though I took care of them the best that I could, they still died. I couldn’t bring myself to have another pet after that.”

Haru was slightly offended at the comparison of some festival fish to a dog.

“I know they were just fish,” he continued. “They couldn’t do anything but swim around. There wasn’t any real sense of companionship or anything. But they were important to me.” He spoke in earnest, and Haru nodded, regretting his hasty dismissal of Makoto’s feelings.

“It wasn’t your fault they died. People and animals get sick. Do you blame me for Makkou—” _Dying?_ The word got caught in his throat. Haru swallowed it down, leaving his name hanging awkwardly and exposed. It sounded too close to Makoto, and Haru had never been so thankful that he hadn’t stuck with that name after all. 

“No, of course I don’t.” Makoto smiled and returned his gaze to the sea.

_“And neither should you.”_ Haru finished the sentence in his head, deducing the indirect way Makoto was telling him not to blame himself for what happened. It was just like him, getting his feelings across in a roundabout way, trusting that Haru would understand. He felt slightly irritated by how astute his best friend could be sometimes.

Makoto spoke again. “Anyway, I thought you needed the dog more than I did.”

Haru’s eyes went wide. Of course he had done it for him. Haru was angry that he was right. Makoto’s house was full of people and love. But Haru was alone. He didn’t doubt his parents loved him, and he had gotten used to being home alone, but that was just it; he didn’t like it, he just accepted it. With Makkou there, he realized how much happier he was. And now that happiness was gone, taken from him unwillingly and with no warning. How quickly things could appear and disappear.

While Haru thought about unwarranted things, Makoto suddenly got up and walked to stand at the edge of the water, letting the calm waves wash over his feet. “It’s warm,” he called out, without looking back. He started to walk a little farther, stopping to roll up his shorts past his knees and gathering the courage to continue.

It had been a long time since he had been in the sea, and Haru couldn’t take his eyes off him. He wondered if maybe Makoto was urging him to join him in the water. It reminded him of the first time he took Makkou to the beach, the way the dog had teased him into chasing him. And just like that time, Haru couldn’t help but take the bait. 

The water was indeed warm, a little more so than he remembered it being this time of year. “I think I’ll swim a little.”

His voice got Makoto’s attention, and he turned to smile, like he was waiting all along for Haru to say it. Without disrobing, Haru walked past him until the water was up to his chest and pushed his feet off the sandy floor, pulling himself through the water with a lazy stroke and gentle kick of his legs. 

The water accepted him, accepted every bit of grief and anger he suddenly allowed himself to feel. He knew the water couldn’t heal his pain, but that wasn’t why he was swimming. He took a deep breath and dived below the surface, floating through the warm waters. He couldn’t hear anything or see anything, leaving him alone with his own thoughts. 

Things passed in and out of his life so quickly. Friends that didn’t fight to keep him, family that trusted him to be all right alone. He suddenly felt tears stinging his eyes and gladly gave them to the sea; a few tiny teardrops in a sea this large were meaningless, inconsequential, lost forever. His voice too when he yelled out in exasperation was swallowed up by the water to be forgotten. 

Realizing he had used the last of his air, Haru quickly swam up and pushed his head through the surface. His eyes immediately found Makoto, still standing out in the water right where he had left him. Of course he was; Makoto was the one constant in his life. He was always there and would always be there. He was the light leading Haru home, a harbor bringing him safety. 

He swam back to him and stood up, the two staring out at the horizon, the tranquil sea sloshing around their legs. 

“He usually slept outside once it got warmer,” Haru started. “I didn’t want him to get caught in the storm, so I took him in my room. I'm thankful for that, that he wasn't alone. He started whining…” Haru didn’t think he would ever forget that sound. It was different from his usual whines, the impatient one when Haru was taking too long with the food, the defiant one when he ran away too fast on the beach. “He was breathing hard. I sat with him until your dad came, and then—” He paused as tears filled his eyes, knowing the utterance of another syllable would be too much, fearing that he stopped too late.

And then just as he needed it most, he felt the warmth of Makoto’s hand in his own. The heat went through him all the way up to his face as he sensed his cheeks redden. Haru knew quite well the feeling of this hand, the firm grip that was always there to help him out of the pool. 

But it was different this time, like a gentle protection, a soft reassurance. Haru’s own hand seemed so small and fragile, like his heart that was beating rapidly against his chest that very moment. But hand and heart were both being warmed by Makoto. The two boys continued staring straight ahead at the horizon. Even the wind left them alone. They stood like that for a few minutes, silent, still, watching the waves. 

“Should we head back home?” Makoto finally asked, lightly rubbing his thumb against Haru’s.

Haru hesitated. He wasn’t sure he was ready to go back to his house. He thought about Makkou’s doghouse, his food, his toys. He’d have to get rid of them. There was no reason to keep them. He wondered what Makoto had done with his fishbowl. Was it still somewhere in the house? Being kept for sentimentality? Being kept in case it could be used again? Makoto gave his hand a small squeeze to bring him back to the present and started walking to the shore, leading Haru by the hand. 

The clouds were beginning to cover the sun, and as the wind picked up once more, Haru shivered. Makoto quickly removed his shirt, blushing at his sudden exposure. “If you’re gonna stay a little while longer, you should at least have a dry shirt. You don’t want to catch a cold.”

Haru accepted Makoto’s shirt and the feelings that came with it. He peeled off his wet one, wondering if he should give it to Makoto to wear, almost laughing when he realized it wouldn’t fit. “Thanks for this.” The words tumbled heavily out of his mouth, carrying more feelings than they were fit to, but somehow managing to do so.

Makoto smiled brightly. “Will you come over for dinner later?”

“It’s ok?”

“Of course! You’re always welcome, Haru-chan.”

Haru turned away, blushing. Makoto’s own family accepted him into their own so willingly. Ran and Ren were always happy to play with him, even referring to him as an older brother. And when he and Makoto were little, Makoto’s mom would hug and kiss Haru good night, the same she did to her own son. His dad would read them stories and help them build blanket forts. Haru’s heart ached suddenly. Makoto’s dad had even been there to help him last night. He needed to thank him properly.

“I’ll come over after I change clothes.”

Makoto nodded and gave a small wave good bye. Haru watched him leave until he was out of sight, knowing he wasn’t really gone. He wrapped his arms around his body. Makoto’s shirt hung loosely on him, but it was warm, a way of leaving a piece of himself behind to keep Haru company in his desired isolation. The orange and yellow shirt reminded him of a sunset—no, if it was Makoto, it would surely be a sunrise. He brought light to the darkness and warmth to the cold.

Haru sat down on the sand. Something dark caught his eye, and he reflexively, hopefully wondered, just for a moment, if it was Makkou. But that was impossible, and sure enough, it was just the shadow of a bird flying overhead. He watched the shadow dance along the sand and considered calling out Makkou’s name. But the shadow was soon gone to wherever it was that shadows went. 

Haru bent his legs and pulled them close to his body, burying his face in his knees as the tears streamed down his face. They flowed freely as he sobbed quietly; the sea was no longer able to take them, and Haru wasn’t sure if he wanted to give them away. They held sadness and grief and uncertainty, but they also held memories and gratitude and joy. 

When he cried all that he could, he looked down and gave a small laugh to the dark stains on the front of his shirt. Makoto had given him a dry shirt, and here he had gone and gotten it wet. He wiped his eyes and lay back, taking advantage of the cloud-hidden sun to stare into the sky. 

He moved his hands through the warm sand below him, the breeze coming on stronger than it had all day. The overhead clouds were shapeless, just random bits of fluff that didn’t make sense. He wanted to head back as soon as he could; there were loved ones waiting for him. He had spent enough time alone, perhaps too much. Haru decided he would lie here only until his tears had dried, wondering if they too would disappear as quickly as they had appeared.

**Author's Note:**

> Once I started thinking about how Haru would deal with the death of his dog, I couldn't get it out of my head. So in that way, this was very self-indulgent to write as a means of releasing it! Please let me know if any of my tags are misleading or misplaced. Thank you for reading!


End file.
